- Prologue - There are many features on a mobile phone. Some are large, some are small, some allow you to play mp3s, others can capture human souls for all eternity, but none, I assure you, are anywhere even close to being as brilliant as the Pink Elephant Boy. Now, the Pink Elephant Boy isn't limited to mobile phones, so don't worry if you're thinking, "MY iPOD IS LAKING AND IMPORDENT FETUS!!!" Pink Elephant Boy is actually quite universal. There is one thing, however, that has prevented many people from enjoying the grandeur of Pink Elephant Boy; it is something that cannot be obtained. No no, Pink Elephant Boy requires one to look inside oneself to find it. Some could say that Pink Elephant Boy is not so much an existing THING, but a state of mind. You'll understand as I go on, for I am about to tell you the story of the girl who journeyed to obtain Pink Elephant Boy.

- Chapter 1: Awakening - The night was bleak. Footsteps could be heard on a gravel path as Bobette stomped towards her local electronics shop. I should probably note that Bobette stomps naturally, she isn't upset or any such thing. Anyway, half way there, Bobette realised that there were no shops in town that were open at 2:14am... none but several... and so she leaped suddenly in a ninety degree angle from where she stood out into the street, hit the pavement, rolled, grabbed a nearby cat and leaped again to the sidewalk on the other side. How stylish and graceful of her. She held the cat firmly in front of her face and screamed at it, "YOU FREAK!! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!?!?! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN DE-LIFED BY ONCOMING TRAFFIC!!! ONCOMIIINNNGG!!!" She pointed violently in the direction of a dog falling over a skateboard off in the distance, then continued speaking, "IT'S DANGEROUS OUT HERE!!" With that last bit of advice, she shoved the cat into a bush and continued down the sidewalk in the opposite direction to which she started. A length of time passed before the blinking lighted sign of a 24-hour general store came into view. Bobette's eyes sparkled with delight. "Surely they sell mobile phones THERE!" said she, and she broke into a sprint. "I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU, LEFT LEG!!" she screamed, "NOWAY, I'M GONNA BEAT YOU, RIGHT LEG BECAUSE YER MOMMA IS FAT WHICH MEANS DAT YOU HAVE LICE WHICH MEANS THAT YOU ARE ITCHY WHICH--" A bell chimed and Bobette's right foot stepped onto a welcome mat just inside the general store, "SEE, I WINS, LEFT LEG, I WINS!!" speaker: Bobette. An old lady behind the cash register awoke and gasped from fright at the sound of Bobette flicking her hair back, as that was what she did immediately after screaming about her leg. Bobette stomped over to the counter, "YOU GOT PHONES, LADY?! I THINK YOU GOT PHONES HERE!! YOU GOT PHONES?! YOU GOT MOANS?!?! YOU FOUGHT CONES?!!? If so, please sign the back of my right knee." "Oh. I see. You're looking for... that..." The old lady eyed her peculiarly through three pairs of glasses of varying sizes and thicknesses.

- Chapter 2: Destiny - "Yes, I AM looking for that! Didn't you hear me?! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME JUST NOW WHEN I SAID I WANTED THAT?!?! ARE YOU DEAF?! AND BY 'THAT' DID YOU MEAN 'PHONE'??" was what Bobette said when she opened her mouth and formed words with her mouth and sounds from her vocal cords located in her larynx. The old lady gestured for Bobette to follow her. And that she did. The old lady pulled at the torch that was lighting the store and A SECRET PASSAGEWAY OPENED! Bobette was impressed. Most of the secret passageways she has seen have all been hidden so poorly and in such obvious places. But not this one. This one was... different. They entered the passage and immediately began descending along narrow stone steps spiraling down into INFINITE DARKNESS! Well, it WAS infinite until the old lady turned on a light switch (but only the switch) and brought out her trusty oil lantern (alight). "This, my dear, is the supply room. As you can see, it is full of supplies." The old lady gestured toward a box in the corner of the room. The whole room was filled with boxes though, so we aren't all too sure at this point which box she was pointing to exactly. "Wow! Which box are you pointing to, lady? It sounds IMPORTANT TO MY KWEEST!" "That one over there! Are you blind? I'm pointing in its general direction! You kids these days! Can't do nothin' on your own!" GRUMBLED the old lady. She swept across the room to the boxes in the corner. "What you seek is in one of these two boxes! You must choose carefully because you only get ONE CHANCE! So get over here and choose one. Its contents will help you on your way." Bobette stomped over to the boxes and kicked the closest one to her. "I DON'T WANT THAT BOX!! Someone has KICKED it!! What kind of product are you trying to sell me here?! I DEMAND A REFUND! WHY DO YOU MERCHANT TYPES ALWAYS HAVE TO DISRESPECT US LITTLE PEOPLE?!?! I'M TAKING THIS BOX!!" And Bobette grabbed the other box and stormed away up the staircase and OUT the door of the general store. The old lady proceeded to climb the stairs, "I hope she knows what she's getting herself into..." she muttered to herself before extinguishing the lantern with her breath, leaving the room in complete darkness.

- Chapter 3: Discovery - Bobette stomped swiftly down the sidewalk with the un-kicked box in her arms, eager to explore its contents. After all, they WERE going to "help her on her way". She found a tree under which to sit. It was lying right in the middle of the sidewalk. "How convenient!" Bobette thought to herself. She crawled beneath its branches and set the box in front of her. "This is the moment of truth! I'm going to find out what is inside this box! I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!! EEHHYYEAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAEEEE HOO!!" Bobette screamed into the night. "Oh, but that isn't very lady-like at all! TOO BAD!!" She felt the top of the box with her hand and realised that it was taped shut. "NO!" She shouted, "NO NO NO!! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! THIS IS WRONG! TWISTED! DISTURBING!!" Bobette panicked. She had nothing to open the box with. She obviously couldn't use her hands to pry through the tape! That's ridiculous! "There is only ONE thing I can do now..." Bobette drew in a long breath. "Alright... this is the only chance I've got! Let my efforts not be wasted!!" Bobette slammed her head through the box. There was a tearing sound as forehead carved through cardboard. It was done. Bobette looked up at the mangled box lying open in front of her, packing peanuts askew. "Oh... oh my GOODNESS! Is it... is it really...?" Her arms dove through the packing peanuts and clamped onto something flat and rectangular. "It IS!! It's... SOMETHING!!!" Bobette was in awe. Never in her wildest dreams did she expect to find an object contained within the box! "Oh, but it has WRITING on it!" she said to no one apparently. The object she held in her hands was a pamphlet. It wasn't just ANY pamphlet, though, it was one filled with all kinds of mobile phone related information. It even had "The Best Model" advertised within it. "THIS IS A GASP! I... I see now... I can't just buy ANY phone... it has to be THIS one..." Bobette stroked the image of "The Best Model", but quickly removed her hand so she could see a small piece of information in a pink box off to the side of the paper. "'Pink... Elephant Boy'?" she read to herself, "'Available on any mobile phone/electronic device'... That's it?? What is this 'Pink Elephant Boy'?! I MUST KNOW! I MUST KNOW NOW!! I'm going to INQUIRE about it! If I'm going to buy The Best Model of phone, I MUST have EVERY feature that goes with it!!" It was probably somewhere around 4 a.m. now, which is the time that Mr. Oldsman goes on his morningly walk. As he walked down his front steps and out toward the street, a soft squeaking could be heard from the rubber duck attached to the end of his cane as it pressed against the concrete walkway. He paused and looked up at the sky, "Today is... I feel... coming omen... time has shifted..."

- Chapter 4: Searching - O'er the rolling hills, the sun appeared in an all too rehearsed fashion as though it was dangling from a wire and an incredibly stable machine was reeling it in. With the light of the new day, birds broke into song: GOOD MORNING! GREAT MORNING! COME AND HEAR ME CHIRP! I'M A BIRD AND I AM TOO! COME AND HERE US CHIRP! GOOD MORNING! GRAND MORNING! MY BEAK IS IN THE DIRT! I'M PULLING OUT A GREAT BIG WORM AND I'M NOT GOING TO SHARE IT WITH YOU! WITH YOU! WITH YOU!!! WE WORK ALL DAY, WE EARN OUR PAY OF SEEDS AND FRUIT AND STRAW! WE BUILD OUR NESTS UP IN THE TREEEEEESSS, WE LIKE TO SIT UP HIGH!! Gooooood moooorning, I am a sweet little bird. Gooooood MOOOORRrrning, Please watch for my little chicks. They keep falling out of my neeeeeessst! BUT REALLY, WHAT AM I TO DO!??! GOOD MORNING! GREAT MORNING! GRAND MORN-- "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUP!!!!" Bobette screamed from her bedroom window. She threw a shoe at a nearby tree in rage before slamming the window shut so hard that it shattered. "GREAT! Now I have GLASS up my sleeve!! SO ANNOYING!" Bobette went into the kitchen to prepare for herself some breakfast. Did I mention that this wasn't actually her house? No? Because it isn't. It was the closest house to that tree she was under the other night. At this point in the story, we aren't even sure if Bobette lives ANYWHERE! We don't even know her AGE! I picture her as some psychotic 11- to 14-year-old girl maybe, but I'm not going to say she really is anything. I'll leave her to be whatever you want her to be. "AFTER I EAT MY CHUNKY-O'S, I'M GOING TO NOT BE EATING MY CHUNKY-O'S ANYMORE SO THAT I CAN GO TO PLACE!!" Bobette monologued. She ate her Chunky-o's cereal, found the prize inside (It was a shiny pencil) and skittered out the door and down the street. While stomping. She's always stomping. Nothing all to interesting happened on her trip from that house she was at to the electronics shop she was going to... she DID, however, stomp so hard one time that a mild tremor shot through the ground, capsizing a nearby paper boy. It was amazing. Simply amazing. The windows were gleaming, the doors were sliding, the lights were lighting... it was the electronics shop, Electronics Shop - 'We don't sell bread!' Bobette stomped into the building with her mobile phone pamphlet. There were so many people inside. Bobette panicked. She had no idea who to ask about Pink Elephant Boy. There must have been fifteen people walking around. Bobette approached the person nearest her, "Excuse me, who do I ask about mobile phones?" The person, who was a middle-aged woman of sorts, responded, "Oh, little girl, little girl! There are fifteen of us within the building, but only TWO are staff members! We all dress exactly the same and YOU must pick out the two who ARE staff members! You may ask each person a total of three questions to help you decide, because if you are WRONG, you will be BANISHED from Electronics Shop for THREE DAYS!!!" "Oh, okay. Are you a staff member?" "NO I AM NOT, I WOULD NEVER WORK AT A FILTHY, FILTHY, GRUBBY FILTHY PLACE LIKE THIS, NEVER!!" "Ah. Well allow me to STAMP MY SEAL OF DISAPPROVAL ON YOU, YOU QUEST HINDERING BEAST!!" Bobette slammed a giant seal stamping device, which seemed to materialise from nowhere, into the woman's face, leaving a shiny red stamp with the word "NO!" in thick, black letters adhered to the spot.

- Chapter 5: Knowledge - Bobette ran around Electronics Shop, asking everyone she came across if they were a staff member or not, stamping the "no"-sayers in the face as she found them. It took her about seven minutes to pick out the staff from the customers. Bobette had all the customers removed from the shop so she could speak to the staff members alone, "FINALLY!! Mr. Seed and Mr. E! I came here to ASK about something!" "It is our duty here at Electronics Shop to efficiently satisfy our customers' needs!" recited Mr. Seed. "Shyuuuu-aaahhhp!!" Mr. E shouted angrily at Mr. Seed, "Ledder... speak!" "Uh... I came to AY ESS KAY about THIS!" Bobette thrust her finger at the article in the pamphlet about Pink Elephant Boy. The force was so great that her finger tore right through the page. "Uh. I seen... wunna those..." Mr. E began, "Is a... yeh, the's wunn'em... holes." "We work to please!!" Mr. Seed barked. "NNNNooooOOOOoo!!! That isn't what I MEANT, you sub-par workers, you!! I want to know about Pink Elephant Boy! I MUST KNOW WHAT IT IS!!" "Hnn..." Mr. E hesitated, "That in't... nuh... nuh... gutta... I gutta go uhn my break..." "No! That's not fair! That's just SILLY!! You OBVIOUSLY know something about it! YOU MUST TELL ME NOW!! There is no point in hiding anything!! YOU ARE ONLY RUNNING AWAY FROM YOURSELF!!" Bobette was in an outrage. She had come all this way to learn about Pink Elephant Boy and had gone through all the trouble of stamping thirteen other customers' faces only to have some illiterate old man pretend he didn't know anything about what he obviously knew something about that Bobette didn't know anything about that Bobette WANTED to know something about. "PLEASE, sir! You MUST tell me about Pink Elephant Boy! I'm not going to take no for an answer!!" Mr. E sighed and said, "You gunn.... you gunn listen t'me, you gunn... We ain't... d'ain't no Pingelephant Broy 'ere. You gunngotta... go see summun else 'oo kin 'elp you.... kin 'elp you get learn... I'll gi' you... gi' you this..." Mr. E scribbled something down on a piece of paper, placed it on Bobette's palm and closed her fingers over it. "...Thank you, sir..." Bobette was stricken for words. "THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!" shouted Mr. Seed. Bobette left Electronics Shop with the piece of paper. She uncrumpled it and read Mr. E's words: Isn innit nort gutta goin or gettum guy yu gutta sea im yerself gutta gettuh guy he is or yu gunna gettum. Yul no. "WOW, THIS MAKES EVERYTHING SO OBVIOUS NOW!!" And Bobette set off, stomping down the road, determined to reach what it was she was aiming at. "EHEHEH!! HEHEHEEEH!!! HOHAHAHAHAHAA!!!" Bobette... uhh... laughed on her way down the street, "WOHOOO!! LOOK AT ME!! LOOK!! HAHA!! I'M GOING SO FAST!! EHAHAH!! I'M ALMOST FLYING!! HAHAHYYEYEOHHHO!!! NOW I AM GOING TO SUBTRACT ALMOST!!" Bobette leaped on top of a car and thrust herself into the air. Spreadeagled, Bobette flew through the air, parallel to the ground. The paper boy was straightening the handlebars of his bicycle, grumbling about the rude girl that stomped an earthquake all too close to him before, "Now my hamster is going to have to WAIT 20 more minutes for me to get home so I can play with him... That's it... from this day forward, I'm going to devote my life to HUNTING DOWN THAT GIRL TO GET REVENGE!! Sweet... sweet revenge... juicy... delicious... satisfying revenge...." There was a sound in the distance. Almost like... the whirring of a mosquito's wings. Whatever was making it was approaching quickly; for the sound was growing. "YyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA-" Bobette was yelling as she soared past the paper boy. "YOU'RE THAT GIRL!! HEY WAIT, COME BACK!!" The paper boy wasn't so much as noticed by Bobette. She was having too much fun flying through the air. "-AAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhheeeeeeeeyyyyyyy."

- Chapter 6: Prophecies - "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHOOHO- Well that's enough of that," Bobette stopped dead in the air and dropped to the sidewalk below her. She fixed her hair and looked with her eyes forward from where she stood. There, obscuring her view of a house further down the street, was a shaking old man. "WHAT ARE YOU, MISTER OLD MAN?!?!" Bobette yelled at him extra loud so that he could hear her. "OLDSMAN!! I AM!" he shouted back at her, frequently exchanging his cane between his hands. "Well according to this paper thing that I had that I don't have anymore because I was flying, I'm supposed to find someone so you must be that someone because you are someone! Also, you are a man and the paper specifically referred to you as a 'him'!" "Winds are... moderate life force.... can't PEEL!" said Mr. Oldsman as his left eye twitched and he stared up at space. Bobette stared at him for a moment, thinking. "MISTER! You've helped me already!! If I follow the winds, I won't get anywhere! I have to believe in ME to push myself forward! You know what? I'm taking you WITH me!!" Bobette grabbed Mr. Oldsman by the wrist and tugged at it. He shuffled forward slightly. "...oh, uhh... you're going to have to move a bit faster than that, Mister... Uhm... actually, I'll just put you in this little red wagon I just found to the left of me and I'll drag you in that! I'm SUPER fast!!" And so, Bobette continued running aimlessly down the street with Mr. Oldsman in the little red wagon behind her. "Where should I go, Mister old man??" "Stormy... situation rising lowering... hay fields... relay..." "OH! Of COURSE! We'll go to some place and actually buy a phone! WHAT A GREAT PLAN THAT YOU TOTALLY HAD THAT WAS TOTALLY RELATED TO WHAT YOU TOTALLY JUST SAID THAT I DIDN'T JUST MAKE UP BECAUSE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU SAID BUT STILL WANTED TO MAKE YOUR PRESENCE SOMEHOW USEFUL!!" Lucky for Bobette, there was a yard sale going on nearby and it just HAPPENED to be selling the Best Model of Mobile Phone. Though, Bobette didn't actually NOTICE that yard sale and just continued down the street until Mr. Oldsman bellowed, "BACKWARDS VISION!!" and Bobette retraced her steps... backwardsly. "Oh, wow, Mr. Oldsman! You really ARE useful! HEY, PERSON WHO IS SELLING THIS PHONE THAT I WANT!! CAN I BUY THIS PHONE THAT I WANT??" A cheerful wealthy boy who looked to be about eight years old walked up to Bobette and laid his eyes on her wagon, "I'll give you this phone... if you give me the wagon." "Oh, but there is an old man in my wagon that I want to keep!" "Ew, I don't want THAT scuzzy old prune! I just want the shiny metal red part!" the boy said indignantly. "I TOLD YOU YOU CAN'T HAVE MY OLD MAN, YOU STUPID BOY!!! JUST FOR THAT, I'M THROWING THIS WAGON AT YOU AND TAKING YOUR PHONE!!" Bobette did exactly that, so there is no need for it to be narrated here. "Now what are we supposed to do, mister old man? I can't GO anywhere because you're just too SLOW!!" Bobette was giving up hope of ever finding Pink Elephant Boy. With a shuddery intake of breath, Mr. Oldsman said, "F-f-f-f-iiiiilllthhhyyyyyyyyyyy....." Bobette looked behind her. There was a garbage bin there. Curious, she lifted the lid and inside discovered a rocket booster thing and some strange contraption that appeared to be shoes with wheels. "WOW, SHOES WITH WHEELS AND NOT EELS OR NEEDLES!!" Bobette exclaimed. She turned and looked at Mr. Oldsman, then back at the magical 'wheoels,' she had named them, then at the rocket booster and back to Mr. Oldsman. She sat on an egg which started to hatch and inside the egg was a plan and the plan hatched and Bobette would use that plan to do what is going to happen in the next chapter.

- Chapter 7: Loss - "Good morning ladies and not ladies! Which are totally not my thing! Hey all you CUTE ladies! I love the ladies! This is ALLLL for the ladies! I'm reporting here in front of some building that is being RIPPED TO SHREDS TO THE EXTREEEEEMMMMEEEEE!!! And do you know WHY I'm standing in front of this building that is being RIPPED TO SHREDS TO THE EXTREEEEEMMMMEEEEE!!!? It's because this is EXTREEEEEMMMMEEEEE!!! CHANNEL NINE NEWS TO THE EXTREEEEEMMMMEEEEE!!! And I'm your host, MAXWELL MANLYSON!! "... EXTREEEEEMMMMEEEEE!!! BREAKING NEWS!! There's a girl riding an old man headed this way at an EXTREEEEEMMMMEEEEE!!! SPEED!! Maybe I can get an inter--" "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!! EW EW EW!! EEEEWWW!!! IT'S A WHOLE MAN!!" Screamed Bobette as she peeled Maxwell Manlyson from Mr. Oldsman's face disgustedly and tossed him aside. Bobette did the predictable and attached both the rocket booster and wheoels to Mr. Oldsman and was now riding atop him like some sort of ridable (noun). After minutes of practice, Mr. Oldsman mastered the ninety degree angle turn and was travelling very efficiently. If only they had a specific destination to reach. "MISTER OLD MAN, I don't FEEL like doing something cliche today, so TAKE ME SOMEWHERE where I shall learn about Pink Elephant Boy!" "Strumblecakes..." replied Mr. Oldsman. "And a cape for coolness +100 and ice resistance +27. Yes. I am... COMPLETE!" The paper boy readied himself for the journey ahead. He equipped his most powerful of newspapers and his most... defenseful of bicycle helmets. "I'll rid the world of that HORRIBLE CREATURE that capsized me!! THEN MY HAMSTER WILL NEVER HAVE TO WAIT AGAIN!! AHAHAH!! HA HA!! OHUHAHAHAHA!!! AHHHH!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAAEEEGHHH!!! AAH!! AH ah... hoo... haaahhhh.... relaxing..." Suddenly, Mr. Oldsman tripped over a rock and fell flat on his face. Bobette continued flying way off into the distance. Maybe even over a mountain. "NO! NOOOO!! MISTER OLD MAN!! NOOOOO!!! I'M SORRY I COULDN'T HELP YOU!! I'LL FIND YOU, DON'T WORRY!! PLEASE DON'T CRY!! I'LL BE THERE!! FOR YOU!! YOU FOR!! LATER!! I HAVE TO GET THERE FIRST!! MISTER OLD MAN, ARE YOU LISTENING!? I HOPE YOU ARE, BUT YOU AREN'T I JUST KNOW IT, I CAN FEEL IT!! WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME??! WHYYY?!?!" Little did Bobette know she had already landed in some neighbourhood of some other town place where the ground repeated itself in a grid-like fashion and all the people seemed mysteriously square.

- Chapter 8: Reform - "Well THIS place seems HORRIFICALLY DULL!!" screamed Bobette so hard that someone who wasn't really that close to her mentally commented on it. Of all the shapes in the world, the square was Bobette's most hated. She could tolerate hexagons and even sort of liked triangles, but the square was just too much. She would never eat square food or stroke square animals and she certainly wouldn't go anywhere NEAR cubed ice! "I wouldn't go anywhere NEAR cubed ice!!" said Bobette, "I simply CANNOT tolerate THIS awful place!! Something must be DONE about it!! I won't sit idly by and let a place I HATE SO MUCH even EXIST whether it affects my life or not!!" Bobette got to her feet and stompingly spun in many directions until she violently pushed over a squarely shaped woman who promptly burst into flames tears. "NO, YOU DISGUSTINGLY SQUARE WOMAN!! YOU'RE ONLY MAKING THE WORLD MORE SQUARE!!" Bobette did shriek one(s) time before forcefully shoving her tongue politely into the woman's eyes to get rid of the cubic tears. The woman seemed at least mildly surprised and perhaps even psychotically happy. After a lengthy discussion that mostly partly covered yellow yarn and the abrasive properties of pant knees, the woman decided to take Bobette to a suspiciously square box. "This, young lady, is what controls the shape of everything in this mysterious land. If IT changes shape, so do the rest of us...!!" mysteriously whispered the woman while seeing how high she could jump. Bobette sighed and probably said, "When will anyone learn that THIS SPECIFIC THING DOES NOT INTEREST ME?? How many times do I have to TELL people?! Haven't they REALISED yet how UNINTERESTING it is to me?! If nobody is going to be even REMOTELY helpful to me, I'll just have to... I'll just have to LEAVE!! Even if it means having HORRIBLE NIGHTMARES about SQUARES for the rest of my life!!" so she stomped away, crushing the box into a half-hourglassish shape unnoticingly as she went. Three days had passed and Mister Oldsman had not yet moved from his fallen over position. Several vehicles had swerved to avoid him and a cat slept on him for several hours during that time, but he was unaware... He was... ASLEEP. Bobette was [preferred unit of measurement]s away and had no idea about the gruesome fate that had befallen her loyal companion. Would she be able to rescue him in time? Will she ever find Pink Elephant Boy?? I bet a person WOULDN'T know if you even TRIED to ask them at least slightly!